Wednesday, June 18, 2014

Big Families


There have been several posts lately on Facebook and blogs talking about the newer rise in large families again. I'm going to try not to get on a soap box here, but can I just tell you how thankful I am for these posts?
By all accounts, 4 children isn't that large, relatively speaking, although 4 children in NYC is considered a very large family. 

I have to confess that I'm so ashamed that I hesitated in telling the world about our pregnancy with Mateo (#4) because I was afraid of the judgment and of the looks or the comments or the gossip that might occur behind our backs. 
I am now so ashamed that I was ashamed.
There was a recent blog post that I read  that I just loved. Specifically #7 on that list. It mentions the comments that larger families receive regarding birth control, self-control, needing a television, etc...and then poses the question...what if the tables were turned? What if we mamas of larger families went around asking mamas with only 1 or 2 kids why they stopped at 1 or 2? 
Those questions are unheard of....
Asking a mama if she's struggling with infertility is taboo
but asking a mama if she plans on having more kids or will you be stopping anytime soon is totally ok.
Please don't get me wrong...my heart aches for the families out there that long to have more babies but can't. I in no way mean to offend or make it seem like a small matter. 
My frustration lies with the way it's ok to call a couple out on having a big family, but if we were do the same for their smaller family, like the author of that post mentions, they would be mortified.

And, I will add, maybe they don't mean to be judgmental by their comment or mean anything by it at all....but to a mama who constantly gets the looks or the comments, even something that could seem harmless to them can jab when all around us, the world is telling us that 2.5 children is more than enough.

When I think about the comments and looks I get with my 4, I stop sometimes and think about asking the person on the other end...."well, what child would you suggest I not have?" 
Because honestly, that's what it feels like...and I cannot imagine life without any of them.
Would life sometimes feel easier without juggling four different personalities and meltdowns all at once or all the time? Maybe...but which one would I chose not to have? 
All four babies are precious, regardless of how many gray hairs I will eventually have from them...and I would just love to hear, when asked the question, "are they all yours?"
"oh wow! what a blessing!"

Because if we're looking at it from God's viewpoint, that's all he sees..beautiful blessings. 

So no matter if your family is a family or 3, 4. 7, or 10....each is special and precious and a work in progress. :)
Just a little reminder for this Wednesday afternoon.

Have you loved a mama in your path today?

1 comment:

  1. Oh I so hear you on this! Most people were great when we told them we were expecting number 4 but a couple of friends and family members kept going on about how shocked they were that we were having another. And sadly those are the comments that have stuck with me the most. I am proud and blessed that we are going to have 4 children, I just wish others would see it as a blessing too.

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